Everything right now feels like a jumbled mess. I want to be happy about something, but something bad has happened at the same time. There’s so much that I need to do, but it’s all work that I created, and I feel like a walking diagnosis of bipolar. Creating all this work to do, being unable to complete anything, and driving myself more insane as I go along. I need to prioritize but I don’t know how. Everything feels so important, everything feels like it needs to have been last month. Not even yesterday, but last month. Everything feels late and overdo and too much work and too many emails and too much to keep track of. Why can’t it be simple? Why do I make everything so hard for myself? I want to have a project, do it, and complete it but there are other things that need attention at the same time. Such a mess, such a mess. And so is this rambling post. I feel like sleeping just to avoid it all. Problem is, it’s still there, waiting, worse, when I wake up. I never feel equipped to deal with all of it.
So what the fuck is it that I’m trying to do?
- Streamline my email: I’ve joined a ton of LinkedIn groups and other newsletters that my email is a mess. Nothing stands out and most of it is filled with stuff that doesn’t matter.
- Look up public relations internships: I haven’t even started this project yet and feel like I should be calling organizations in addition to applying to posted positions. This is like a job search in of itself. Worse, I feel like there are deadlines coming up since isn’t this when most places make their plans for summer interns? So far ahead of time, so early, but it’s a school schedule.
- Look for low wage jobs: something that might be less competitive or is it more so because more people are qualified? This would help pay the bills, but would probably leave me depressed. Would they be low stress jobs though?
- Look for jobs related to my field by checking Indeed emails: I’m not qualified for the bulk of these and I wait around for my husband to write cover letters which delays things even more. I’d get the word files from him except he’s sleeping right now. These would pay the bills and might make me happy, but they’d be a lot more stressful.
- Look for jobs at nursing homes by calling them individually: most of them say “no” and this takes a long time. There’s a lot of nursing homes on the North Side.
- Look for a new volunteer position: this probably will come after the public relations intern thing, since I’ll need a lot of time for that. I was volunteering at a place, but then they decided to hire on someone to do what I was doing, but didn’t offer to interview me. I have to call tomorrow to figure out what exactly happened. I was happy with the volunteering. Got me to do something and most importantly gave me something recent to put on my resume.
- Research grad schools scholarhsips: I got into what I think if my preferred school and am left with a “now what” feeling. I don’t know my financial aid package so I don’t know how much time I should be devoting toward looking for scholarships. I’m also left uncertain if I can get scholarships to cover housing/rent when I’m not living on campus. I can’t live on campus because I have three cats and a dog. I’m planning on calling the financial aid office tomorrow and asking them what I can do. This feels immediately important and distant at the same time. I don’t know when deadlines are or how much money I’ll need. My EFC is $0. Does that mean all my tuition is covered? Are books covered? Etc, etc.
- Research the school I got accepted into: I didn’t even get a letter yet, just a phone call, so I don’t know how long I have to make a decision and put down a deposit. I feel like I should be sure of my decision even though I don’t know if I’ll get accepted into the other school I applied to. They told me April. Then again, the school who called me notified me of my acceptance a month before they originally said they’d make a decision.
- Organize my papers: this seems like an exercise in procrastination, but the pile is getting quite high. I’m also developing a collection of folders that I don’t want to have. I don’t like paper anymore. It makes things more complicated.
- Walk the dog: I have a billion excuses for not doing this and just end up feeling guilty. He gets let out regularly and I do play fetch with him, (he gets bored in less than five minutes though). I’ve tried setting up playdates, but have only managed to do this twice, with two different people, so it hasn’t been a repeated occurrence unfortunately. I’d feel much better if it was. Now that it’s snowed, I don’t know how long I have to wait for another playdate. Simple as it is, it still feels pressing. Perhaps the solution is to just walk the dog. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty. It’s not like it eats up time, it’s more that it makes me tired and it’s cold out.
- Follow-up with people who agreed to talk with me/networking: this is one of those things I should’ve done months ago. I contacted these people around the New Year, they said they’d talk to me, and I dropped the ball. How important are informational interviews though? This whole networking things hasn’t resulted in anything yet. I like phone calls though, they help pass the time.
- Find events to get out of the apartment: this is time-consuming and again is where extra emails come in. I feel good about going out and sometimes have fun. I need to learn to socialize. It costs money though in the form of transportation passes, (even breathing seems to cost money, hell, writing this blog costs money: lighting, heat, rent, Internet). I need to give myself breaks though and my husband doesn’t like movies as much as I do it seems.
Now to prioritize:
One major consideration is it expect to work for the Census in mid-March, so looking for low-wage jobs I might just end up quitting seems a little silly. Then again, they take so long to get back to you that I might hear from them after the Census job is over anyway.
First priority seems to be the public relations internships, though they get nullified if I get a real job, so perhaps those should be done at the same time.
The dog still needs to get taken care of and I should still do networking. I gotta organize my files.
So perhaps I won’t worry about grad school until I hear more from the financial aid office. I have no idea when deadlines for scholarships are though, but I imagine they want a letter of admission before they give you money… damn, I hope the financial aid office knows the answer to this. Or somebody.
But when do I sort my emails? Bleh.
Posted by EtD 