My husband told me yesterday that while October’s rent has been paid, November’s rent is going to be tough. We’ve been liquidating all of our bank accounts and apparently we might go negative trying to pay for November. This of course doesn’t even begin to take into account household expenses like utilities, food, and pet care. (The dog went to the vet today for an eye infection, thankfully, the vet gave us a reduced price).
How’d it get to this point? A lot longer unemployment than I ever thought possible. The economy hitting the shitter far harder than the TV news people ever predicted (so much for paying attention to the news).
My husband is supposed to be the breadwinner. He’s been out of work since March and is no closer to a job now than he was then. We don’t even get call-backs for interviews.
Both of our applications for disability are still pending. My husband is having a semi-invasive outpatient surgical procedure tomorrow that he should’ve gotten several years ago. He’ll be checking again when he arrives for the appointment to make sure Medicaid is covering it.
We’re not finding aid programs to help us with our finances. Turning to family isn’t much of an option. His grandfather has cancer, his mother has already declared bankruptcy and is working two jobs, and my mother, with her OCPD-inspired miserliness, isn’t about to give me much of anything.
Talking to my mom on the phone yesterday, I told her that I was applying for disability and told her for the first time that I’m mentally ill. As per usual, she showed no interest in hearing about it, learning about it, knowing any of the details, etc. Instead, she wanted to talk about how she disagrees with my sister, an adult, buying concert tickets and speculating about the supposed tawdriness of her personal life. This is very, very, very typical of my mom and why I didn’t bother telling her years ago that I was having problems. The difference now is my economic situation and preparing to beg for money / a loan.
It’s hard to think of myself as poor since my husband and I both grew up in lower to middle class families. While we’ve been living an extremely frugal lifestyle ever since we became a couple, it’s hard to think of ourselves as needing government assistance. We have college degrees. We were supposed to get jobs to cover our household expenses. The embarrassment of asking for help is long gone. On the bus yesterday, with my clunky “granny shopping cart,” a woman, unprompted, told me about a local food pantry. I thanked her and told her of one I knew. I guess I’m even starting to look poor.
The problem with government assistance is that it may never come, and even if it does, it’s probably far too late. The Chicago Housing Authority isn’t accepting applications, nevermind waitlisting.
Does anyone have any ideas on who we can call for help or what programs we can apply to?
Thanks for reading.
November 1, 2009 at 4:10 am |
Hi, I saw mention of your site at the Yelp web site under a review of Stroger Hospital. I just wanted to say that I so relate to you in your relationship with your mother. The person who acts like that towards me in my life is not my mother but has the identical m.o. You just learn to live with it, don’t you?
I am in the same boat you are job wise, and have recently had to scrabble for a minimum of healthcare accessed through the County system, and boy, let me tell you that my feet are still hurting from the little dance I had to do for the gatekeepers to let me in! What a humiliating damned system it is – HEALTHCARE REFORM NOW!!!!!
I hope you can feel this hug I’m sending you and your spouse; we will make it somehow – a little more battered and bitter than before, but we will somehow make it. May the Goddess bless you and your family.
November 1, 2009 at 12:21 pm |
Thank you for your well wishes.
As for people like my mother, yes, you learn to live with it, however difficult that may be. I met another woman whose mother was also deaf to her daughter’s problems and was unhelpful. Unlike my mom, her mom was also emotionally and physically abusive. Still, this daughter, now an adult, tried to maintain some kind of a relationship with her mom. The problem is, you can’t. You hope the person will change, that some day they will genuinely care, that some day they will hear you, but they won’t. You think that when the problems are as severe as bankruptcy, that something will finally click and they’ll try to help, but really, they’re the same person they were when you were a kid, and will respond the same way as before. Despite how much you want to have a relationship with that person, especially as they’re now aged, it’s just not going to happen. Rather than be frustrated and hurt, you just have to accept it.
I wish you luck in finding a job and in staying healthy. *hug*