Dogs, Depression, and Volunteering

Poo-Chi is providing the mental and physical help that I was hoping a dog would. I have yet another creature to take care of which helps me feel empowered. Part of taking proper care of him is to give him plenty of exercise. This forces me to brush my hair and get dressed, while trying to pay some attention to my appearance and hygiene. Desire to keep the dog housetrained trumps Depression’s pull to stay in bed.

Exercise begets more exercise. I take him on walks, play fetch with him, and found a dog park to take him to.

At the dog park, I chatted with other dog owners, which gave me a chance to practice socializing and finding out what types of jobs are out there. I really don’t want to work a 9-5 office job so talking to people at 3 in the afternoon reminded me of jobs like law enforcement, real estate, and nurse.

The main downside is that my husband gets jealous of the attention I give the dog when he’s angry at me. I invite him to come on walks with me but he refuses. *sigh*

On one of my walks I came across a cattery, a house full of cats that were up for adoption. I talked to some of the staff about volunteering and should be meeting with someone next week. I’ve already gotten positive feedback on the idea of bringing Poo-Chi to meet the cats so that they can get acclimated to dogs. Apparently, one of the staff members already does this with her dog. This is great as formal shelters I’ve been to don’t introduce dogs and cats to one another, even if they’re young. I understand that shelters are busy, but this is a big mistake to me, especially since one of the reasons it took me so long to find a dog was because so many of them were not good with cats. I don’t know if the majority of people tend to like having one specie or the other, but I still know that there are other people like myself who enjoy having both.

I’d also like to use Poo-Chi as a therapy dog if he’s suited for it. I still have to call up a residential area to ask them about that. One near me for the blind says they have a dog for that purpose.

I’m also wondering about keeping Poo-Chi healthy. I don’t know how people would react if I asked everyone to clean their hands with hand sanitizer before petting him. Reading online about therapy animals in hospitals, the spread of illness is both a risk for the dog and the people who pet him, as the animal can serve as a carrier and germs can be passed through fur, skin, saliva, and open wounds. The New York Times recently had an article on this problem with MRSA titled “Tie to Pets Has Germ Jumping to and Fro.”

I know that there are programs to certify dogs as therapy dogs, but you generally have to pay for that yourself, and then volunteer your services. Naturally, I don’t have money to get Poo-Chi formally certified, especially when it’s not going to produce any income.

I still have to look into the career of animal behaviorist, working with cats and dogs. I don’t know how big the field is and if I can have it as a side job unless I want to do basic dog training or working with “problem” dogs. Yet another thing to research that isn’t applying for jobs :-/ Am I procrastinating or doing the right thing? I don’t know.

Update: Dogs Can Get Hairballs?

“Poo-Chi” is done with his medication and seems fine, except that he keeps rubbing at his eyes. No redness, swelling, or tearing that we can see, so it’s hard to tell what’s causing it. I’ll just have to keep an eye on him to see how long he keeps doing it and to see if it gets worse.

The shelter I adopted him from called today to check up on him. I talked to their behaviorist about “Poo-Chi’s” pica and the behaviorist agreed with me that the plastic muzzle wasn’t the best option as it only prevented “Poo-Chi” from engaging in a behavior rather than actually correcting it.

He suggested getting “Poo-Chi” used to the kennel by making it a game to come in and out of it. This way, he’d be less excited upon exiting it, such as when I let him out after having him crated for a while. Part of the game would be to have him follow a bunch of commands before he exits the kennel and after he exits it. The idea is to encourage “Poo-Chi” to focus on me, rather than his drive to tongue-wash the floors. By doing this, his mind would hopefully be redirected and he won’t eat things he shouldn’t.

This sounds like an interesting thing to try for the next time that “Poo-Chi” will be home without his humans.

Earlier this week, I found a dog park within walking distance of me. While it didn’t turn up on my online searches, it’s not a new dog park. “Poo-Chi” has been wonderful with the other dogs so far, and is thankfully learning better humping manners. (One of “Poo-Chi’s” problems is that he’d keep trying to hump other dogs, despite being fixed. It’s his way of saying to the other dog that he’s dominant. At the park, he’s getting to meet other dominant dogs, who don’t like being humped and/or try to hump him. This way, he’s learning he can’t hump every dog he meets )

Since none of my stories can be positive throughout, one problem with the dog park is that the ground appears to be so rough that it made “Poo-Chi’s” paw bleed. It didn’t seem to bother him and other dog owners have suggested that it might be because “Poo-Chi” has dry skin. The behaviorist said to refrain from going to the park for a few days so the wound can heal and that hopefully the skin will callous over. I can’t even see where the cut is, but as long as “Poo-Chi” doesn’t start obsessively licking it and it doesn’t appear to be infected, I’m just going to leave it alone.

Update: Medicaid Wants Me IL

After several days of calling, my husband finally got through to Medicaid to ask why we were being told by the HMO that we weren’t enrolled.

Apparently, we’re still enrolled on a temporary basis. We can still see doctors and get medications, but they haven’t made a final decision on our application. No idea when they’ll make a final decision.

Until we get final approval, we’re not going to have access to the online listing of doctors that accept Medicaid. We’re also only going to have a letter as proof, rather than a plastic card.

Why the HMO said we weren’t enrolled when we are, temporary status or not, is still unclear.

In the meantime, we’ve just been calling doctors and asking if they take Medicaid. Now we just have to reschedule the appointments we canceled because of this bullshit. Bleh.

Dogs Can Get Hairballs?

Despite all the books and the episodes of “The Dog Whisperer With Cesar Milan,” “Poo-Chi” was able to teach me something new about dogs. Apparently, dogs CAN get hairballs. Or at least that’s what I’m calling it.

On Tuesday, I took “Poo-Chi” (yes, for the sake of anonymity, even my pets have fake names) on his hour-long morning walk which he appeared quite tired from. He was fed a light breakfast and was kenneled with a Kong filled with peanut butter and some pig-flavored chews. He started scratching at the sides of the kennel as soon as a I closed the bedroom door. Great. My dog has separation anxiety.

Despite his whining and scratching, I had to go join my husband outside as we both had doctors appointments.

Hours later, we came back and let him out and gave him a potty break. Almost immediately upon getting back in the apartment, he started walking around and nibbling. At first I thought he was finding stray bits of food, then I saw he was chewing on a plastic strap meant as a cat toy and lapping at the floor. This was pica.

I brought him outside again for fetch to distract him and tire him out. (Cesar’s suggestion for most behavioral problems is exercise. This is also what it said online for pica.) He ignored the ball and myself and started chewing on plants and lapping at the ground. I quickly brought him back inside and did my best to disrupt him. After I fed him dog food, he stopped.

The next morning, he vomited and had diarrhea. At some point, he threw up a hairball. Not your normal cat hairball (which isn’t actually a ball), but one that was at least six inches long and one inch in diameter. It also wasn’t solid hair, but included the non-food stuff he ingested, including the plastic strap. Strangely, it was dark grey which isn’t his hair color. (Cat hair balls are generally the color of the cat.) According to the Internet, the darker color came from the hair ball originating from deeper in the dog’s digestive system than it would in a cat.

We got him to the vet to have him examined. He had a slight fever and was given antibiotics and something for the swelling/irritation in his throat.

According to the vet, there wasn’t anything that could be done about the pica but to keep the items away from the dog. Easier said than done when the dog decides to tongue-clean the floors. As I feared, it could result in intestinal blockage, requiring surgery. The only other solution the vet could offer me was to buy a plastic muzzle.

“Poo-Chi” will be going for his follow-up on Monday. So far, he seems to have recovered. Still, we’ll have to find a place that sells such muzzles.

Medicaid Wants Me IL

Today, after much cajoling, my husband started looking up various types of doctors so that we could make appointments. As part of this, he called the Medicaid HMO to ask what doctors were covered in our area, since we still didn’t have access to the online listing, and was informed that we weren’t covered by Medicaid. Wtf?

They couldn’t say as of when this happened, or why. We never received a phone call, email, or letter saying we no longer had Medicaid. In fact, we got a medical insurance card (really just a slip of paper, not even cardstock) just two weeks ago!

Also, I just filled a bunch of prescriptions yesterday under Medicaid! One was actually denied as not being covered, (it wasn’t supposed to be filled anyway), which offers me more proof that regardless of what the HMO says, we are still enrolled.

The HMO said to call our case manager, the lovely person we met in a ratty t-shirt in the Department of Human Services (DHS) office months ago. My husband got ahold of the case manager, but was told he’d have to talk to his supervisor. My husband wasn’t able to get in touch with the supervisor. We’re going to have to start this game again on Monday.

In the meantime, we had to cancel our psychiatry appointment which was for this afternoon, and don’t know when it’ll be rescheduled to. Thankfully, we have enough pills left, though my husband’s medication needs altering.

He made other doctors appointments in the meantime. Now we’ll just have to hope we can get this bullshit sorted out beforehand so we don’t have to reschedule.

Note: Contrary to what my initial medical intern PCP told me, one of his higher ups called the HMO and was told that there was no limit on the number of specialist referrals that we could get at once. We switched to another medical intern to get our referrals. We were still stuck with the nonsense of having to have the specialist’s name on the referral slip. No one could tell us if it was the policy of the doctors’ office or of Medicaid. Bleh.

I blame this on the state of Illinois. In the state that we moved from, Medicaid was a magical health insurance. Lots of doctors took it, and it seemed to cover a lot. To get off state insurance, we actually had to send them letters to tell them that we no longer qualified and had private insurance through my husband’s job. We knew that we were still covered because the state insurance would keep sending us letters reminding us to renew for the following year.

While I don’t support the wastefulness of paying HMO’s to cover people that no longer need the state health insurance, I think it’s far worse to make it so difficult to be sure of coverage in Illinois. I’m going to be furious if I get bills, not only because of the hassle of fighting them, but also because I could’ve avoided this headache by staying with Stroger. Grrrr…

Update: My Husband’s Job Interview

I guessed correctly, he didn’t get the job.

As seems typical of business culture, the first clue was that the person said he’d let me my husband know by a certain date, then of course, never contacted him. My husband waited a few days, got in contact with the interviewer, and learned he would still be unemployed. Rejected by his former company. Bleh.

SSI, Mood Fluxuations, and Festivals

My moods and ability to function still varies from day to day and within a day. I’m generally okay one day and down the next, crap in the mornings and better as the night goes on. I haven’t been getting much done for weeks and my to-do list keeps circling in my head.

A few days ago I finally completed my application for Social Security Disability (SSI). Just like I had to to get Medicaid, I had to make myself sound as sick as possible, even though it goes directly against the mind frame I want to have in order to recover. Having to think about how I’m unfit for work made me depressed.

I don’t know if they’ll accept my reasoning. I focused on my inability to concentrate and my poor interpersonal communication skills. To me, the depression matters a bit more, in that I can’t work if I can’t bring myself to look for a job, go to a job, or perform on the job. Another big issue though is that I seem to rub people the wrong way. I’ve tried to describe that as a disability and blamed it on my OCD. I don’t see myself as an aggressive or pushy person, impatient maybe, but not to the point that people should avoid me. But they seem to nonetheless. Now I’m back to avoiding them, just as the physical and odious presence of the skunks has me wary of nightfall again.

I was still depressed when I went out to the Celtic Fest last night. I meant to leave at around 11am but I couldn’t force myself out until 5pm (and four hours of documentaries, one quart of chocolate soy ice cream, and a lot of prodding from my husband, even though he wasn’t coming).

I joined the audience of an outside concert and watched others cheer and clap around me. I couldn’t feel the music. All I could feel was the pulsing base. I also had heightened anxiety to the point that I couldn’t concentrate on the performers until I dug out paper and wrote down these thoughts, as well as other items for my to-do list. Even after writing them down, the thoughts interrupted the music.

Amongst the thoughts were the sign-language interpreters. There were different ones based on the song, so I’m guessing they were with the band. While I couldn’t “feel” the music, how about someone who couldn’t hear it?

As time went on, I was able to loosen up and participate. Standing up with the crowd and moving when told to. I remained quiet, but felt more relaxed. I even had fun.

I can get better, but I still haven’t figured out how to get it to last.

Comments on Self-Mutilation

(Below are comments I left in response to posts by another blogger.)

Dysfunctional Daze – Finding the Reason

enlighteningthedarkness said…

I concur with the other commentators that putting cutting implements in a place that is difficult to get to is better than throwing them away.

I get the sense sometimes that some therapists don’t understand cutting. That the idea of self-mutilation is so horrific to people that they can’t get past the physical effects to see the emotions behind it. They seem to automatically want to get rid of the “weapon” even when it may be impractical to do so. For example, my sister used kitchen knives. When my mom tried hiding them, she just used razor blades from a disposable razor or found the knives. Once, when I couldn’t get to my razors, I just smashed a mirror. In short, throwing out the “weapon” doesn’t magically solve anything.

The other reason for making “preferred” cutting implements more difficult to get to is to give yourself more time to find a better way to relieve your emotions. Perhaps you can put something positive in the same area as the cutting implements. I kept some of my razors in a case with pretty beads and stuff that had happier memories attached to them.

I’m also wondering if you’ve talked to your therapist about seeing a psychiatrist. It sounds like anxiety is a real problem for you and there are medications that can help with that.

September 15, 2009 12:25 AM

Dysfunctional Daze – Punishment vs. Relief

enlighteningthedarkness said…

I used to cut but thankfully I think I’m past that. My current maladaptive coping mechanisms are mostly excessive napping and overeating.

Cutting was very hard to stop. Being told not to do it only made it worse because I’d get angry at the person and avoid them because they were trying to control me and clearly didn’t understand. (I felt this way even when the person who asked me not to cut was a cutter themselves.)

I cut to make my emotional pain physical and/or to punish myself. I also hit myself to cause bruising and banged my head. What made cutting different is that it left scars. The scars would remind me of times that I was depressed, causing me to get depressed again, which in turn would cause more cutting. It was a bad cycle.

What helped was trying to find a different coping mechanism. When I was getting really emotional, I would go through my phone book and call people. Sometimes I would vent, but most of the time I would just chat and use it as a distraction. Once I was calmer, then I could think about what triggered the impulse to cut.

Over time, reminding myself that cutting actually made me feel worse in the end (because of the guilt and bad memories) helped me stop. I also found a lot of ways to distract myself.

I hope that you are able to find something that works for you.

September 15, 2009 1:21 AM

JD and Turk Say to Demand Health Coverage!

I love “Scrubs.” Thank you Rock the Vote!

I’ve already called my federal representative and senator. Have you?

(Link to the original video)

C4 is Accepting New Clients

Note: The information below is copied from the website of Community Counseling Centers of Chicago (C4).
Unfortunately, I don’t know if the services offered include psychiatry. I’m hoping that this means that other nonprofits may be able to accept clients again. If anyone knows for sure, please let me know.

Good News for People Who Use C4 Services

Our state funding has been significantly restored. ( C4 is grateful to all those who contacted their legislators in support of restoring human service funding.)

As a result, C4 is now able to provide services to individuals who do not have insurance, as well as those with Medicaid. If you were told by your therapist or counselor that you could not receive services as of July 1, you are encouraged to contact C4 to schedule an appointment.

We are also conducting intakes for new clients. For more information or to make an appointment, please call 773.769.0205.

Buenas noticias!

Tenemos otra vez posibilidad de proveer servicios a personas sin seguro.

Para mas informacion, o para hacer una cita, llame al
773.769.0205