I’ve come to strongly dislike our couples therapist.
I wasn’t fond of her from the start as I’m biased against skinny, blond, pretty women. What can she have in common with a big homely girl like me? We wouldn’t have had the same life experiences. And surprise, surprise, she doesn’t have a mental illness, though someone in her family does. Nor is she married and the lack of any ring tells me she’s not engaged. I didn’t press her with further questions like if she at least had a live-in boyfriend (or girlfriend). She’s also dresses in clothes and goes to a school I could never hope to afford. She also mainly does individual counseling. Bleh.
I don’t think she gets me at all and that there’s any rapport. In the past couple of sessions, I feel that she’s been acting like I’m a bad guy. The breaking point was yesterday (Monday) when she pressed me on why I was against my husband being away for four months to participate in a drug trial located in Maryland. She couldn’t seem to get the idea that I don’t want to be away from him for FOUR months. That I don’t have anyone else in Chicago and so I’d be all alone. Or even that we couldn’t financially afford it unless I got a subletter as he wouldn’t be paid for the study. (And remember, we live in a one bedroom apartment.) We’re both unemployed with little savings left and I bitch about the money it costs to attend the sessions (as it’s often the only time we go out that day). She also had the audacity, for at least the third session in a row, to start by asking if I really wanted to be there just because I was grouchy-looking. I’m giving up over three hours of my time and $14 just to attend a 50 minute session and she dares to keep asking if I want to be there?! This says even more that she simply doesn’t understand my situation.
My husband wants to participate in the four-months-long inpatient study as it’s testing an unapproved medication, which early trials suggest may be helpful to him whereas other medications have failed to alleviate all his symptoms. No approved medication contains the chemicals that might make the experimental drug effective. However, realistically, even if the medication is successful, due to the fact that it’s classified as a highly controlled substance, it’s unlikely that he would be able to continue it after the study is over and it’ll be years before the entire FDA approval process is over.
Whether or not it’s selfish and wrong of me to deny him the chance to try to find something that works is debatable. Unfortunately, it’s a zero sum game. While I could suck it up and try to handle one month apart, I know I can’t do four. If the study was close enough that I could visit regularly, I could perhaps handle the four months, especially if we were still living with my parents where we paid very little rent and had people to take care of the cats.
I would’ve liked to use the session to talk about my dependency issues. Instead the therapist focused on me and why I couldn’t convince myself to be okay with his being away, suggesting that she already supported him and thought I was wrong. Wtf? Isn’t she supposed to be unbiased?
I also don’t like her style. I’ve told her that I’d like a therapist that’s a bit more forceful and says what they think is going on, rather than the “how do you feel?” bullshit. While this may seem to be a contradiction of what I just wrote, to me it’s not. I guess I’d like a therapist to be more like a friend that prods you along and calls you out when you’re bullshitting, only they also know what they’re talking about and know how to safely play devil’s advocate.
My husband, however, likes her style and feels she’s helping him. After a long conversation, the conclusion was for him to see her for individual and for us to request a different couples therapist. As expected, when told this earlier today, the therapist said she wants one last session since she “can’t do therapy over the phone.” (I don’t see how there’s therapy involved; I’ve already made up my mind that I don’t like her.) Unfortunately, she said that we’d be assigned a therapist based on who was available, rather than what our preferences are. I’ve only seen one therapist in the office who didn’t look like she could be my therapist’s sister, and that’s because he’s male. I’d just like someone normal sized who’s in a committed relationship, male or female. We’ll have to see what happens though.
